But I’m Here!
I remember being in high school when my birth mother told me she wished she had aborted me or that she had squeezed her legs together during childbirth so I wouldn’t survive. I don’t remember exactly how I felt in that moment. I don’t remember what I said or even if I said anything at all. But I remember the words.
Years later, in my early twenties, during an argument, the man I loved, the father of my child, the person who said he wanted to build a life with me told me my mother was right. He told me I never should have been born. Again, words.
But this time, they reinforced a message I had already carried for years: Maybe my existence was a mistake.
When you spend enough of your life questioning whether you were ever supposed to be here, it can affect how you see yourself and the decisions you make. It can influence the relationships you accept, the treatment you tolerate, the opportunities you hesitate to pursue, and even how loudly you allow yourself to speak.
For years, I struggled to understand my place in this world. I fought, I cried, I stumbled, sometimes I crawled.
But I’m here
Not because everyone wanted me here
Not because everyone valued me
Not because my journey has been easy
But I’m here because God wanted me here
Before anyone had an opinion about my existence, God had already made a decision concerning my life. Psalm 139:13–14 says: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
This Scripture has become so meaningful to my life and my journey.
I wasn't an accident
I wasn't a mistake
I wasn't an inconvenience that somehow survived
I was created
There is intention in those words. God knew me before anyone could reject me. God saw value in me before I knew how to see value in myself. And the words spoken over me by wounded, angry, or hurting people never had the authority to cancel what God had already spoken over my life.
Jeremiah 1:5 says: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.”
Before they had words for me, God knew me. That truth has changed the way I see my story. For so long, I looked at everything I had survived and wondered, Why me?
Now I can look back and say:
Look at God
Look at what He carried me through
Look at what didn't destroy me
Look at the woman who emerged from everything that was supposed to convince her she didn't belong here
But I’m here
And I'm not simply existing anymore
I'm living
I'm growing
I'm learning
I'm healing
I'm finding my voice
I'm walking in purpose
I'm becoming
And I'm claiming everything God has called me to be
Isaiah 43:1 says: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”
You are mine.
Those words matter to me because there were times when I didn't know where I belonged. But God settled the question. I belong to Him.
My identity is not rooted in someone's rejection of me. My identity isn't determined by what someone said during an argument. It isn't determined by who walked away, who failed to love me properly, who misunderstood me, or who couldn't recognize my value.
God called me His, and when God calls you His, rejection doesn't get the final word.
I have spent enough years allowing words spoken over a younger version of me to echo into my future
No more!
I refuse to allow words spoken out of anger, pain, rejection, or cruelty to become a prophecy over my life
I am replacing those words with God's Words
They said I shouldn't have been born
But I’m here and God says I am fearfully and wonderfully made
They made me question whether I belonged
But I’m here and God says He knew me before I was born
They made me question my worth
But I’m here and God says I am His
They made me question my future
But I’m here and God says He has a purpose for my life
So, when I say, “But I’m here,” it isn't simply a statement about survival. It's a testimony
I have walked through things that could have broken me
But I’m here
I've cried tears nobody saw
But I’m here
I've experienced rejection
But I’m here
I've had my heart broken
But I’m here
I've questioned myself, my worth, and where I belonged
BUT I’M HERE
And now I know that I was meant to be here
There is still purpose in me
There is still ministry in me
There are still dreams inside me
There are still places God is calling me
There are still people my testimony may help
There are still chapters of my story that haven't even been written yet
Philippians 1:6 reminds me: “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
God isn't finished with me. And maybe that's the greatest declaration behind these three simple words:
But I’m here
I'm thriving
I'm growing
I'm learning
I'm healing
I'm reclaiming my identity
I'm rediscovering my purpose
I'm walking into everything God has prepared for me. No longer will hateful words from my past dictate my future. No longer will rejection determine my worth. No longer will I apologize for taking up space in a world God intentionally placed me in.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made
I am chosen
I am redeemed
I am loved
I have purpose
They said I shouldn't be here
Life tried to convince me I didn't belong here
There were moments when I didn't even understand why I was here
BUT GOD
He kept me
He covered me
He carried me
He called me
Not merely surviving
Thriving, Growing, Learning, Becoming, Reclaiming
I am here
I will continue to be here
Because I was meant to be here
BUT I’M HERE!
Prayer
Heavenly Father,
Thank You for my life. Thank You for knowing me before I was formed, for creating me intentionally, and for keeping me through every season when I questioned my worth, my place, and my purpose.
Father, heal the places in me that were wounded by words spoken years ago. Silence every voice from my past that contradicts what You have spoken over me. When old words try to replay in my mind, remind me of Your truth.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made
I am redeemed
I am called
I am Yours
Thank You for carrying me when I couldn't see the purpose in my journey. Thank You for every mountain, every valley, every tear, and every moment when You gave me enough strength to keep moving forward.
Help me never again measure my worth through the eyes of people who could not recognize what You placed inside of me.
Give me courage to walk boldly in my calling. Let my life remind someone else who has questioned whether they belong that their story is not over and that the words of people do not have the authority to cancel the purpose of God.
They may have said I shouldn't be here
But I'm here
I'm here because You kept me
I'm here because You called me
I'm here because You have purpose for me
And as long as You give me breath, I will continue becoming the woman You created me to be
I am here, Lord. Use my life for Your glory
In Jesus' mighty name I pray,
Amen.